Soul Reborn

I can feel it as soon as I pull up across the street, looking at the storefront of the art center. There's a real art center now...So long it's been since I was here, in my first nude session, wondering to myself how I was to go from clothed to not...do I take my robe off???

David describes me as a model, a chef, an author, says I am all things. I'd forgotten I used to write for pleasure. I should do that again...

I'm the muse tonight. I know I will be that, because I know my body, know how it moves. Know how it feels to move through space within it - it makes me very good at what I do. I plant my feet and feel it wash over me, the stillness, the concentration, the meditative state. My frustrations and worry fade away as I count in my head...56, 57, 58, 59, 60...I arch my back into the next pose, unwinding the tension from the previous...32, 33, 34, 35...it's like a dance, the shifting weight, the pivots. I feel powerful and simple. The timer goes off and I rest, stretch, sip some wine. 

The next set is longer, five minutes passing in an instant of lingering chords. I am reminded of Monday nights overlooking Chestnut Street, Bill's jazz lulling me through sculpture and figure sessions, while the half-lit room sparkled with city lights from the wall of windows in front of me. A new pose, five more minutes. Then ten. I rest, stretch.

In the next twenty minutes I find something lost, something I'd forgotten. I want to create something, something beautiful that is solely mine. I realize I can't remember the last time I did something creative that wasn't about making money and pleasing someone else. I want to make pottery. I could make pottery...I have an urge to finish the series of cookbooks I started. I want to play with paint and collage things. It's my heart talking - she's in there after all, reminding me of everything I left behind, all the things I thought I could live without. 

I leave feeling different, renewed. I feel inspired. I didn't know how lost I was, until I found myself tonight.