Limits
I am lying on my back, stark naked with my panties balled up in my mouth, the panties I was wearing only an hour ago, while a photographer snaps photos. I hate every second of this. No, there is not a gun to my head. I am free to leave at any time. Somehow I cannot muster up the gumption to pull the lace from my mouth and say, “Thanks, but no thanks.”
This is supposed to be an “edgy black and white” photo shoot I agreed to a week ago. What it actually turned into is a fetish shoot that I didn’t really agree to, but to which I haven’t verbally objected.
Let me back up.
When I originally agreed to shoot with this particular photographer (who shall, despite my temptation to expose him for his trickery, remain nameless) I had looked at only one portfolio of his work. The night before the shoot I find two links to additional work that I had overlooked. This additional work starts in the style of the previous, but rapidly approaches a level of pornography in which I am uncomfortable participating.
Early the morning of the shoot I send the following email:
"You mentioned in earlier correspondence that we'll be shooting nudes today, and I want to make sure we're on the same page as far as the overall goal for this shoot. After looking at the material available through your additional links, I want to be clear what my boundaries are. I would hate to waste your time if you have something specific in mind."
The email goes unanswered, so I call a photographer friend for advice. After his insistence that I have been more than reasonable with my requests for communication and information, I follow up with the most professional dismissal I can conjure:
"Since we were unable to touch base this morning, I have to request that we reschedule. It is imperative that we clearly define the parameters of the shoot prior to my traveling to meet you, particularly since I will be traveling alone. While some of your material falls directly into my category of interest, an alternate portion falls outside the scope of my comfort level, and I want to have a clear understanding of what you have in mind as far as content. I trust you understand my concern and need for communication, and I hope we can come up with an alternate date in the future."
Not surprisingly, my phone rings almost immediately. My fears are assuaged with the assurance that we will be shooting within the style of the first batch of material, and I agree to follow through with the shoot.
Flash forward to me on the floor. Naked. Choking on lace panties. Photographer telling me what a dirty girl I am. He can tell I’m uncomfortable; he keeps asking if I’m okay. I stupidly set my jaw and mutter a disgusted, “uh huh”. There are a hundred thoughts flashing through my head, and all of them are asking how the hell I’m going to get out of this. I have never before been uncomfortable with a request from a photographer. I have never had a photographer lead me into something without first asking if I am willing. So here I am, way past my comfort zone, wondering what is an appropriate way to request a stop be put to this. My fears of appearing as a flake or a "wuss" are, at the moment, trumping my fears of being told to spit on an egg and smear lipstick all over my face.
It’s like the two sides of my logic are bickering with each other:
I committed to this, so I have to follow through.
But I hate it, and I’m really uncomfortable.
I’m not technically in any danger; he’s just obnoxious… and so on, and so forth. Suck it up and get through it. Take it as a lesson, and thank your guardian angels you did not sign a release.
When the photographer emails me the photos, I hate each one more than the last. I can see the hate and anger in my eyes, and I wonder if he saw it, too. I feel dirty. I don't want anyone to touch me, not even the army serviceman I have been dating for several weeks. When he tries to initiate sex that night I clench my legs and pretend to be asleep. I pray no one will ever see the terrible things I allowed to be done to me because I couldn't stand up for myself, and I decide it's high time I learn how to say "No" and mean it.
Tip from a working model: whether it's on the street or in a studio, it is your absolute right to put a stop to any behavior, verbal or otherwise, that makes you uncomfortable. Stand up for yourself, and for your safety and protection check references and get a complete outline of what will be expected of you before you go to a shoot.
This is supposed to be an “edgy black and white” photo shoot I agreed to a week ago. What it actually turned into is a fetish shoot that I didn’t really agree to, but to which I haven’t verbally objected.
Let me back up.
When I originally agreed to shoot with this particular photographer (who shall, despite my temptation to expose him for his trickery, remain nameless) I had looked at only one portfolio of his work. The night before the shoot I find two links to additional work that I had overlooked. This additional work starts in the style of the previous, but rapidly approaches a level of pornography in which I am uncomfortable participating.
Early the morning of the shoot I send the following email:
"You mentioned in earlier correspondence that we'll be shooting nudes today, and I want to make sure we're on the same page as far as the overall goal for this shoot. After looking at the material available through your additional links, I want to be clear what my boundaries are. I would hate to waste your time if you have something specific in mind."
The email goes unanswered, so I call a photographer friend for advice. After his insistence that I have been more than reasonable with my requests for communication and information, I follow up with the most professional dismissal I can conjure:
"Since we were unable to touch base this morning, I have to request that we reschedule. It is imperative that we clearly define the parameters of the shoot prior to my traveling to meet you, particularly since I will be traveling alone. While some of your material falls directly into my category of interest, an alternate portion falls outside the scope of my comfort level, and I want to have a clear understanding of what you have in mind as far as content. I trust you understand my concern and need for communication, and I hope we can come up with an alternate date in the future."
Not surprisingly, my phone rings almost immediately. My fears are assuaged with the assurance that we will be shooting within the style of the first batch of material, and I agree to follow through with the shoot.
Flash forward to me on the floor. Naked. Choking on lace panties. Photographer telling me what a dirty girl I am. He can tell I’m uncomfortable; he keeps asking if I’m okay. I stupidly set my jaw and mutter a disgusted, “uh huh”. There are a hundred thoughts flashing through my head, and all of them are asking how the hell I’m going to get out of this. I have never before been uncomfortable with a request from a photographer. I have never had a photographer lead me into something without first asking if I am willing. So here I am, way past my comfort zone, wondering what is an appropriate way to request a stop be put to this. My fears of appearing as a flake or a "wuss" are, at the moment, trumping my fears of being told to spit on an egg and smear lipstick all over my face.
It’s like the two sides of my logic are bickering with each other:
I committed to this, so I have to follow through.
But I hate it, and I’m really uncomfortable.
I’m not technically in any danger; he’s just obnoxious… and so on, and so forth. Suck it up and get through it. Take it as a lesson, and thank your guardian angels you did not sign a release.
When the photographer emails me the photos, I hate each one more than the last. I can see the hate and anger in my eyes, and I wonder if he saw it, too. I feel dirty. I don't want anyone to touch me, not even the army serviceman I have been dating for several weeks. When he tries to initiate sex that night I clench my legs and pretend to be asleep. I pray no one will ever see the terrible things I allowed to be done to me because I couldn't stand up for myself, and I decide it's high time I learn how to say "No" and mean it.
Tip from a working model: whether it's on the street or in a studio, it is your absolute right to put a stop to any behavior, verbal or otherwise, that makes you uncomfortable. Stand up for yourself, and for your safety and protection check references and get a complete outline of what will be expected of you before you go to a shoot.
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